Patients In A Mental Hospital

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.  He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.  Mary promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.  When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is your're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom.  I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."


Single Black Female

The following ad in "The Atlanta Journal" is reported to have received numerous calls.

"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE......Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play.  I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.  Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.  Rub me the right way and watch me respond.  I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.  Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."

Over 15,000 men responded to this Personal ad.....and found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador Retriever.

Diagnosis: Right On!

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.  She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me.  When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face!  What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of moments, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."


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